5 Reasons Hammers are magical

By Fred - Published 2018-10-27

Did you know that Hammers are Magical? Of course you don’t! But, I will tell you about 5 reasons that they are the absolute best thing that ever happened to that earth.

Did you know that hammers were originally designed by aliens that lived in 5th dimensional space that now haunt flower pots? No? Well, good, because I just made that up. Haha. Got you!

But really, hammers are just freaking magical. After all, they make a banging sound!

Banging sounds are bloody magical. You hit something with a hammer, and not only does everyone gets angry with you AND it makes a noise louder than the loudest yell a mouse could make imaginable! I love just banging my hammer on the table all day long! Bang! Bang! Haha!

But more than that, they are fantastic weapons!

One someone asked if I wanted 20% off something or other. Nonetheless, I hit them with a hammer and ran away. They looked really angry, but never talked to me again! Perfect!

Even better, they are great for baking bread.

We all know that bread baking is a real tough challenge, but it becomes even harder with a hammer. Instead of kneading bread, you can smack it with a hammer! It also makes a banging sound! I was also fired from the bakery!

And, on top of all that, they make things go into the wall.

See that pointy metal thing lying around? Slam it into the wall! That twirly nail? Slam it into the wall! Your friend, Phil? INTO THE WALL WITH YOU!!!

And, this is the best part, they are not regulated by the illuminati.

Don’t you hate it when even your hand soap is controlled by the Illuminati? Well, you do not have that problem with hammers. Hammers are tasty, and I love knowing that the Illuminati is not trying to control my life through my excessive collection of hammers.

So there you have it, Hammers are bloody magical and I am currently under arrest.