5 Signs your Pillow is plotting your demise
By Fred - Published 2018-10-29
The mere presence of a pillow is already enough reason to sound the alarm and batten down the hatches and call in an attack squadron armed with automatic assault rifles. However, you may be thinking to yourself, “How do I know that my memory foam orthopaedic pillow from the department store 3 miles away in isle 27 is plotting my untimely demise and is stealing my gophers?” This is an extremely good question. Here are the signs that your pillow is plotting your demise.
1: Your pillow cover gets dirty
Personal grooming in our society is extremely important, to the point where not doing so is considered a rebellion. If you find your pillow getting dirty and neglecting its duties to keep itself clean, you are looking at a rebellious pillow.
2: It likes your pets more than you
If you have pets, this one will be easy. You may find that you have an extremely hard time getting comfortable on your lovely pillow, with it being too cold, too hot, too lumpy, anything. Meanwhile, you may find your pet(s) lying peacefully among it, or worse, on top of it, and think to yourself, “Where the heck did I put the mayonnaise?” While that is a good question, it is clear that your pillow has put the wellbeing of your pets above your own and chosen them over you.
3: You lose pillow fights
Ideally your pillow should be at your side at all times, remain strong for you, be there for you when you need it most, and have a good shoulder for you to cry on. However, in your most desperate moments, when friend turns against friend, family on family, one turns to their most trusted companion: the pillow. However, if your pillow is indeed against you, you may find that you lose these historic wars.
4: You’re teased about it at work
Everyone brings their pillow to the workplace and hides it under their desk. If people start making fun of you for your pillow, it is clear that your pillow told them some embarrassing story about you, like that time you fell asleep at the mattress store. It might also be making funny faces.
5: It is in cahoots with your mattress
If you ever find these same reasons also apply to your mattress, your pillow is definitely plotting your untimely demise. That includes if your mattress gets dirty, likes your pets more, you lose mattress fights, or even if you are teased about bringing your mattress to work. They stick together, you know.
