Cats should not do laundry
By Gerald Fitz - Published 2020-01-26
It saddens me greatly to have to write this article. There were extraneous events that brought me to put my comment on this highly political and highly partisan issue. Cats should not do laundry. This simple fact of the universe is denied daily by numerous people. But the best scientific evidence proved that cats doing laundry goes against what is in intended for our green earth. If you let a cat do the laundry you are inviting the most devilish, the most satanic, the most evil being in this multiverse onto your front lawn. It simply is not ethical to let cats do the laundry
Cats are already evil creations, with small paws perfect for committing atrocities against society at large. They were made when a politician spilled his unholy syrup on a pile of hair and evil, and ever since they have been doing the devils will. Clothes mean a lot. They represent who we are and can be an expression of the soul. Such a perfect creation, however, can be easily corrupted if the forces of the dark lord are able to access them while they are unclean, such as when they are in the laundry. To allow such a fundamental corruption into our society will surely strengthen the grip of the banana gods on this mortal plane. It is a violation of all that is good in this world!
Besides that, evidence has found that all cats are nuclear weapons. Each and every one is harboring a neutrino bomb capable of detonating the entire ice ring, causing all of the oceans to flood away into the abyss. Why don't that? Their lack of access to laundry. If we allow them to access the laundry, nuclear war will surely start. Do you want to be sitting in your bunker, worried about the future? Or do you want to give your cats laundy, and be sitting in your bunker knowing the future is grim, because the future would be grim. By giving your cats laundry you doom the world to one thousand years of death and destruction. Why would you ever do such a thing?
Cats serve a definite purpose in this world as tiny litte heathens and god-killers. They keep old ladies company, just so that when the old ladies die the cats can meet the grim reaper. They are not meant to do laundry, so don't let them. You do not have a choice on a lot of things but you have a choice here. Don't let cats do laundry
