CIA Undercover Agents
By Gerald Fitz - Published 2021-02-21
These are confusing times, and in these times many injustices go unanswered. With the regular media focusing on other issues like the pandemic, many clandestine activities go unanswered. Some will have you believe that the pandemic has halted the intrusive spying of the CIA. However, we have gotten truly disturbing reports that the CIA has been spying on people in spirit.
We have all been threatened by our families and close friends before. Messages like "I will watch over you in spirit" and variations including "I will be with you in spirit" are common threats of invasion of privacy we have all experienced at one point in our lives. Recently, a new initiative titled "Comprehensive Surveillance via Phantasmal Apparition", CSPA for short, would extend phantom espionage to the CIA. The CIA now has the ability to spy on people "In spirit" to observe targets without them knowing, and in compliance with COVID restrictions. CSPA works by detaching the soul of agents that have souls from their bodies. The souls are launched flailing out of a cannon in the direction of a target while their bodies flop around like a beheaded chicken. Instead of being only able to access the microphones and cameras of digital assistants, baby monitors, computers, and phones they can now track you by apparating near a person of interest. All they have to do is break the wall between the spirit world and the physical world, break the laws of the known universe, break international law and break your privacy to be able to permanently spy on every person on the planet. Spying in spirit has none of the normal limitations of spying. They are undetectable and thus they can not be caught. They are incorporeal and thus, they can go everywhere. Worst of all, the UN has decided that, for their own interests, create no law on the regulation of ghosts and specters. The CIA is likely to get away with their crimes for quite a while
What can we do to reclaim our privacy from the CIA? There is little that can be done. If the CIA is there in flesh and blood, the assault can be repelled by typical, earthly, means. If the attack is in spirit, you have to respond in spirit. I recommend starting with a seance to communicate with the spirit of your personal CIA agent. Any other spirits, such as previous owners, long lost lovers, homicide victims buried under the floorboards, a spirit which will start a long and introspective journey that is about one young adult novel in length or spirits of beloved family members should be ignored, keep your eyes on the prize. Once the connection is established, ask them some questions. Start with some small talk. How has your day been? The weather has been bizarre lately huh? What is the secret sigil written in the stars by the ancient ones? How's work? Once the ice is sufficiently broken ask the agent to leave. It is recommended to ask impolitely, as asking for something kindly with sincerity never works. The more insults the better. If they do leave, don't let them escape. Letting them go is too easy. The next step is to get a priest. Any denomination will do. They will perform an exorcism and expunge the CIA agent from your living space. This process might take a while, especially if the CIA agent is trained to resist torture. Once the CIA agent retreats from your residence you will be free from their intrusive spying. If you do not have the money to afford an exorcist, you can purge the spirits through high-quality napalm or high amounts of radiation. If you happen to already have a flamethrower, you can use that. If you have enough nuclear material to flatten a continent, that can be used to force the spirits to evacuate.
