Gravitons Made Trees

By Dr. Yamok and Gerald Fitz (Arizonian Writer) - Published 2018-08-01

Gravimetric Eddies caused by spikes in the Gravimetric field due to people riding bicycles excessively over dinosaur ghosts from the nether world have forced trees into our space-time. This causes rips in the spacetime continuum and allows monster trees to emerge from the world no one speaks of. This is why trees always appear where people ride bikes, and not in say, deserts. Also note that trees only ever occur on the soil above dinosaur bones. Now, because the tree is unlike any other species that we are willing to mention here, we all must assume that trees are from another universe, one where Mars never existed, no less. We can tell because there is no evidence of the Martian life usually present from other universes on the tree bark. Furthermore, the old saying “His bark is worse than his bite” tell the tale of a young boy running into a tree and destroying the universe. This can be inferred as a dangerous omen that must be taken as truth. At some point, some idiot will punch a tree, and then within the lifetime of the universe everybody will perish. 

We “borrowed” the payroll Bob had just laying around the money safe to construct a portal that will traverse time and space to another dimension where these magical and dangerous trees arrived from. We sent a drone made of positrons through the portal. We decided that antimatter was the best way to say hi to the universe with trees and no martians. Did you know that trees are actually made of antimatter? Neither did I, i just made it up. Nonetheless, we sent in a drone made of destabilized quantum matrices. The drone reported on the insectirininino properties of the disruption. Its readings were anomalous but the best summary of its results is that gravitons are the source of the trees untre-universe transport. This is a revolution in science. We go to a random person on the street 

“Not you losers again...” Bob said. We explained to him our scientific theory he responded “For the last time, My name is not bob, It’s Mackadamiarniacatitinarimanorac the 1.0294872113x10^34. Well technicly that is my short name, It is short for Mackadamiarniacatitinarimanoraciandearistoperopialynearchopeowkernackshelowcorabitioumebevepoinfegaursnoulabecarxilacomonierseacatiownephli-” We cut him off “No, you are bob now” “I give up, Fine I am bob. That doesn’t change the fact that your idea is nonsense!“ “Shut up” we shouted as our entire filming crew ran in the opposite direction. He is just some random dummy who probably believes the earth is round, what a dunce! He simply will never accept the truth that Gravimetric Eddies caused by spikes in the Gravimetric field due to people riding bicycles excessively over dinosaur ghosts from the nether world have forced trees into our space-time. It is the only logical alternative. Tree’s obviously exist and in order to exist they must have come from somewhere, Hince them coming from the planet of the large green three horned, nine toed, six armed, bug-eyed, nine-legged, six stomached, nine lunged, quintuple hearted, Small orange round rooted fig eating, aquatic dwelling, aliens from the 69395½ dimension. It’s amidst solid scientific evidence and you would have to be some kind of moron not to realise that it is completely true. 

It's a simple universal fact. So always remember that whenever you look at a tree is has phased through on a perpendicular time axis in order to arrive where it is. Isn’t nature remarkable.