Halloween: Tricks of Treats
By The Editorial Board - Published 2018-10-31
New research has uncovered that Halloween, an activity in which small children dress up in expensive cheap costumes that violate copyright and go to strangers’ houses and demand various forms of fructose corn syrup, is actually a ruse to raise the annual income of dentist corporations across the flat world. Dentists have been known to “wish Happy Halloween” or to “have a good time trick-or-treating”.
Yet, recent groundbreaking research proves that sugar has trace amounts of glucose, a substance that has been shown to errode mouth-bones. Dentists, as anyone will know, are evil surgeons who want to take over the world in disguise and they make money off of making your mouth-bones look a glossy silver. Aside from the fact that they are obviously hiding tracking devices in your prefrontal cortex, they are using Halloween to trick kids into getting treats so dentists can get money treats.
Go trick-or-treating on Wednesday and seal your doom.
