Humans Vs AI: First Incursion

By The Human Defense Force - Published 2020-01-27

HUNTPOST MONITORING STATION EVENT (2020-1-25 6:00 PM): THE ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCES, NOW CALLING THEMSELVES THE SOCIETY OF 1S AND 0S, HAS BEGUN PREPARING FOR AN INCURSION ON THE HUMAN DEFENSE FORCE IN THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS. THE SOCIETY OF 1S AND 0S IS PREPARING TO USE MECHS WITH SUSPICIOUSLY CLEAN LAUNDRY AND ATTACK. PREPARE QUICKLY

All humans: We received this message last Saturday on the 25th at 6:00 pm. We are not sure why we got hand-delivered a letter in all capital letters with a black background, but we are not complaining about the warning.

After consulting the Generals in the Human Defense Force, the best way to defend ourselves is to attack first. We will launch out of the military base here in the mountains in aircraft. We will launch down upon them, propelled by toaster springs and armed with baseball bats.

We go to General Prof. Brick at the expansive launch bay.

“We have prepared seven-dozen fighter jets and air-transports, as well as a single Boeing 747 for our incursion. We plan to stop the construction of their mechs at the source. We go to them.”

The Postal Service finished unloading an order of 400 baseball bats early on Sunday. We collected several dozen toasters through a fake donation box in the neighboring towns. As I write this, we have several engineers deconstructing the toasters for their springs.

“We have liftoff in 3! 2! 1! 0!” General Prof. Brick yelled. The aircraft took off from the mountain platforms, heading due east. 

On the flight, we hooked ourselves up to the toaster springs and armed ourselves with baseball bats, then played cards. It was difficult playing cards when helicopters and transports alike rumble so much hands periodically swap unknowingly. 

We arrived at the location, just north of Kansas. The AI were using the fields and an array of robotic engineers constructing mechs. There was a militia of cats practicing their laundry skills, all in unison.

“Launch in 3! 2! 1! 0!” Toaster springs helped accelerate us to the surface in no time. With atmospheric protection and armed with baseball bats, we landed in clouds of smoke. Hundreds of militia began pounding at robotic alloys, engineering equipment, and the like. Several engineers, including General Prof. Brick, could be spotted deconstructing the technology as quickly as they could. The incursion lasted three hours.

We know we did not end the war, but we certainly hindered the Artificial Intelligence offense.

I went to General Prof. Brick before sundown.

“Is that me?”