Jase Collings' propositions Part 1

By Jase Collings - Published 2019-08-12

This is a run down of a few of to-be President Jase Collings Propositions that are to take effect tomorrow 

1. The nuclear button must be painted rainbow
2. All peoples with quintaphobia shall be barred from serving tacos
3. All fish entering through through the St. Lawrence river must go through customs
4. All metal detectors must be cut in half to prevent violations of airspace
5. Pickles must bounce. All pickles that do not bounce are to be renamed Phil.
6. All restaurants built within the last 5 years must serve metal filings as a side dish.
7. Vikings can no longer immigrate to America
8. Ban on Belgium Waffle Makers as they are better than my computer
9. No more cookies for santa clause
10. All 'H' keys must be burned by sundown
11. All Kayaks must include a cannon built in
12. The fine for JAYWalking must be increased 10 fold, for potatoes, quadrupled for everyone else
13. The grand canyon must be changed into a grand cannon. And a secondary 'Un-Grand' canyon and cannon must be discovered
14. Lake superior must be renamed to lake inferior as it it inferior to my greatness.
15. Owning a Kazoo is punishable by watching an entire game of baseball, then death.
16. No more death penalty
17. You must ignore Proposition 16, punishable by death.
18. In Orlando a statue of the nearest person named bob made of gold must be created, if there is a new nearest bob(Human or otherwise) then the statue must be torn down and remade
19. All ferrets should have a basic understanding of net neutrality
20. All tables must be able to withstand a 4 megaton nuclear blast from 20 metres away
21. The number 21 has been strictly forbidden.
22. All numbers that are a repetition(11,22,33,44,55,66,77...) should be ignored unless they are larger than 30 or less than 20.
23. All consecutive numbers(12,23,45,56...) less than 40 and greater than 15, should lie
24. The number 28 is cursed and should be avoided and ignored.
25. Voting is to be abolished in favor of dice
26. Board games will now be the national way to settle disputes and decide office elections.
27. Holidays that include an 'H' must be renamed to not include the 'H'
28. The number 24 is to be banned because once I had a sandwich that was 24 years old and it tasted bad.
29. I want a slice of baloney!
30. All bartenders should have a chicken tender named bart in their left back pocket
31. No more pockets on the right side of pants
32. Florida Oranges need to be painted Apricot
33. Apricots need to be painted blue(I hate apricot apricots)
34. All things that are currently blue needed to be painted orange
35.  Proposition #44 is false
36.  The number 17 now does not apply to crazy sociopathic robots
37.  The word 'The' is now trademarked and everyone who uses it must pay me a royalty.
38. All monorails must have another rail that does nothing
39.  Proposition 52 is false
40.  Phil’s favourite number is now 40. You’re welcome.
41.  No more trademarks that say you can’t write internet articles about evil robot trash cans that want to destroy medical practitioners with plungers and a laser gun.
42.  No more bedsheets
43.  Wazo Corps. Will now solely work with pineapples
44.  Proposition 39 is true
45. There is a tariff on all numbers that the floor of the sin of it mod 13 is 4
46.  Anyone whos name starts with 'Mackadamiarniacatitinarimanoraciandearistoperopialynearchopeowkernackshelowcorabitioumebevepoinfegaursnoulabecarxilacomonierseacatiownephli' is to be renamed bob and burned at the stake
47.  Jackhammers must be operated by jackrabbits
48.  1+1 is now officially 1 and all public school must: A) Change their curriculum, and B) be destroyed, rebuilt, then destroyed again, before being rebuilt
49.  1+2 is now also equal to 1.
50.  All battleships must be made of cheese
51.  Kangaroos must carry a firearm in their pouch for personal kangaroo protection
52. Proposition 35 is true
53. To war!
54. Opera singing must be done inside of building made of pure hatred
55. Opera is now the national internet browser
56. You must now use Internet Online’s search function in place of whatever you use now. Not sponsored.
57. We must discover element 666 and name it 'pure hatred'
58. We must send the national guard to kentucky for obvious reasons
59. Mondays are abolished
60. Ad blockers are now only allowed on sites with no advertising
61. Flowers are legally required to attack all bees with fire and fury.
62. All traffic signals must be changed to include drivers licenses strapped to the tennis rackets(Also to be attached)
63. All traffic lights will now turn green.
64. Cows cannot moo anymore
65. Chickens may now only say 'Moo'.
66. Cows must moove aside.
67. No buildings may have roofs
68.  Hail Leprechauns!
69.  We will go to mars, and we will go to mars in this decade, how else will we invade it?
70.  All citizens over the age of 9 must launch their automobile(s) into space
71.  We would help tim, but no one likes tim
72.  Every single chair must include a complimentary towel
73.  All animals must include built-in wifi
74. All beds should include Purple Throw Pillow or at the very least a cup of mouthwash
75.  Quantum physics will no longer be confusing.
76.  Repeal the laws of physics
77. Good, now Quantum physics can be confusing again.
78.  All citizens over the age of null, undefined, or 'i' must learn East Korean, or shall be charged with treason
79.  We must invade null island
80. All people 13i must be convicted of not existing
81. Oklahoma must now end it’s annexation of New Zealand
82. When it comes to red doors: I want it painted black.
83. The entirety of colorado must be painted red
84.  Alaska needs to give up it's tital as 'the last frontier'
85.  'The big easy' must be renamed 'the mildly difficult'
86.  All sentences must be complete
87.  Somedays I.
88.  No skipping numbers
89.  
90. Proposition 52 is false
91.  Proposition 89 is true
92.  Y’all Eat Sandwiches!
93.  The save button needs to be updated, no one uses floppy disks anymore
94.  This whole 'Heat Death' my inferior friends talk about is hereby deported.
95.  The car needs to be renamed 'the horseless carriage'
96.  No more green dots
97.  Dr. Heinbrow is hereby instructed to shut up.
98.  Do not breathe under punishment of suffocation
99.  All non-propaganda music must end
100. All numbers that have 2 zeros and is less than 163 should be ignored.
101. Yes now means no and visa versa
102. 'Visa versa' is now means reverse any visas, revoking their authenticity.
103.  Spel bad is goody ish now if u are prez
104.  To enter into incognito mode in your web browser, you must purchase a cloak and hood from any grocery story, and must have all your legal identification rescinded.
105.  The first lady now must be the second lady
106.  There will no longer be a president, I will instead be: A) Immortal, and B) A dictator
107.   Trigonometry will no longer be taught in schools
108.  I hereby instruct the universe to make sense.
109.  Family photos need to contain thermostats 
110.  Cars will now be used in place of boats
111.  Portal 3, Half Life 3, and Team Fortress 3 will now be released
112.  No more stools unless a toad is atop it.
113.  I am the sharpest shed in the tool
114.  No more valleys
115.  No more mountains
116.  All hair must be in an afro
117.  This statement is hereby false
118. All people must be taxed an arm and a leg
119. The saying 'an arm and a leg' must now be taken literally
120.  Anything that can be labeled as 'Blasphemy' is now legal in all 26 states
121. 'fake news' is now an acceptable response to any 'evidence'
122.  Oh, there are also now only 26 states. Still 50, but only 26 are recognised officially. Good luck figuring out which ones.
123. We need to remove the 1st amendment from the constitution
124.  We need to remove the 2nd amendment from the constitution
125. We need to remove the 3rd amendment from the constitution
126. We need to remove the 4th amendment from the constitution
127. We need to remove the 5th amendment from the constitution
128. We need to remove the 6th amendment from the constitution
129. We need to remove the 7th amendment from the constitution
130. We need to remove the 8th amendment from the constitution
131. We need to remove the 9th amendment from the constitution
132. We need to remove the 10th amendment from the constitution
133. We need to remove the 11th amendment from the constitution
134. We need to remove the 12th amendment from the constitution
135. We need to remove the 13th amendment from the constitution
136. We need to remove the 14th amendment from the constitution
137. We need to remove the 15th amendment from the constitution
138. We need to remove the 16th amendment from the constitution
139. We need to remove the 17th amendment from the constitution
140. We need to remove the 18th amendment from the constitution
141. We need to remove the 19th amendment from the constitution
142. We need to remove the 20th amendment from the constitution
143. We need to remove the 21th amendment from the constitution
144. We need to remove the 22th amendment from the constitution
145. We need to remove the 23th amendment from the constitution
146. We need to remove the 24th amendment from the constitution
147. We need to remove the 25th amendment from the constitution
148. We need to remove the 26th amendment from the constitution
149. We need to remove the 26th amendment from the constitution
150. Gifs must now be pronounced 'Gif' under punishment of death, good luck figuring out what I mean by 'Gif'
151. It is not legal to sell it after 5.
152.  But 'it' is after 74.
153.  It is now illegal to send anything over 0.625 milligrams through the postal service.
154.  All US citizens are now legally required to purchase an ISO compliant warship
155.  Freedom is no longer free, but can be purchased at your local military checkpoint
156.  Zombies are now legal citizens. Zombies are people too!
157.  There is now 1 more hour in every day
158.  No more pomegranates
159.  All lemons must be replaced with incendiary devices that can 'burn your house down'
160. The saying 'Shoot for the moon' must be replaced to 'Shoot the moon, with a nuclear warhead'
161. The pledge of allegiance will now be replaced with heavy metal.
162. Deja vu is punishable by a lifetime in jail
163. Deja vu is punishable by a lifetime in jail
164. All things made in china will now be projectiles
165. No more cacti
166.  Octopuses is now the official plural for Octopus
167.  In Canada, 'Canadian Geese' will be referred to as 'American Geese'. Fair is fair.
168.  The flag will now include my face on all of the stars
169.  All people must pay 152.31$ for 1 day each hour. For what, I haven't decided.
170.  Chicken Noodle Soup is now the national pass time
171.  All walls made of drywall will be burned at the stake
172.  French is banned
173.  We will deport spain, not the spanish, but the country
174.  PLEASE make good PowerPoint Presentations. PLEASE.
175. Using comic sans is punishable by public shame
176.  The United States will no longer be communist
177.  The United States will adopt Chinese economic and social systems
178.  I hereby enforce Global Warming.
179.  Internet Online is now something or other. I think they said 'Supreme Leaders of the Internet'.
180.  I AM NOT A MORON!!!!
181.  All Video Games must be made easier. I need a buff for pong. I tried ↑↑↓↓←→←→BA but it didn’t work
182.  All kickstarter campaigns must be finished. And I want my money back
183.  Police officers must carry a toaster at all times 
184.  'f5d8pVg3Qtg' is now in the dictionary.
185. I want a ukulele
186. All Koalas must have tree roots in their ear
187.  All pianoes must have an extra key
188.  All human teeth must be eaten by crocodiles
189.  The Violin can now be considered a deadly weapon, as well as a corn dog, and a chinchilla
190. No One can hide in a box
191. Horses must have a rifle on their saddle
192. No more un-explosive bananas
193. Death is punishable by Super Ultra Uber Mega Death™ 
194. Anyone who claps at the end of movies must explain why they believe the movie can hear them and would appreciate the praise
195.  There must be full camera coverage of the planet
196.   No One can ever ask 'Can a can can can'
197.  The sentence  'Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo' is no longer grammatically correct. As Buffalo in any form is removed from the dictionary.
198. Literally nobody can use the term 'literally' literally
199.  We will abolish the constitution
200. Brooms must now be internet-enabled
201. All computers must be programed with error code 418
202. No more teapots that do not sing 'I’m a little teapot short and stout...' at four in the morning on a daily basis 
203. Anything remotely close to being ISO Compliant must be incinerated at your local grocery story.
204. The US should force all countries to switch to the customary system
205. The US Air force is forced to force the naval force to force them to force feed sandwiches to everyone.
206.  Anything even closely related to the number 90 is strictly forbidden.
207.  Googly Eyes must be attached to all sunglasses
208.  All whales are to be hunted. I like blubber
209.  Geneticists are to splice all 'Nars' and 'Whales' to form a new species, 'Unicorn'.
210.  If anyone asks 'Why are firetrucks red?' Then they must paint an entire fire truck blue,  one milliliter of paint at a time
211.  If someone wants a turnip, they can have it.
212.  If anyone reads this far, they get a medal
213.  All rules after this are true
214.  All rules before this are equally true
215.  All rules after this are false
216. All rules after this are false
217. Ignore rules 213-216
218. Doorbells must be replaced to the sound of a car horn
219.  There are to be signs to have people on the lookout for my fly, Steve. I miss him.
220.  A car horn must be replaced to the sound of a doorbell
221. B Baker street is to be renamed '22 Northumberland Blvd.'
222.  All people are to drink the holy water. If they somehow get drunk, they live.
223.  Last thursdayism is now the official religion of the United States
224. Propaganda factories will be constructed in every county in every state
225. Sacrificial pits are to be created all around the united states rivers
226. We will steal the Eiffel Tower
227.  There is to be a moat constructed around the Eiffel Tower
228.  All fences must be purple
229.  Calling something 'art' is now an insult. 'This is a work of art.' 'How dare you!'
230.  All payroll is to be mine.
231.  The national debt will be paid off by Up korea. And we will pay off their debt. Fair is Fair. 
232.  All computer mice are to be replaced by actual mice
233.  Whenever somebody says 'Rats!', they are to be bombarded with actual rats.
234. Whenever somebody says 'I could eat a horse!', they will be expected to prove it, whether they meant it or not.
235. Whenever a horse says 'I could eat a human!', they will be expected to prove it, whether they meant it or not.
236.  All lamps are to be killed in public executions
237. Blowing off a Telemarketer is punishable by death via falling chandelier
238. Breaking a mirror will cost you 7 years bad luck
239. 'Bad Luck' now means drowning
240. Talking in theaters is strictly forbidden. Unless you are reciting 'A Brilliant Study'’s section on Me.
241.  Talk like a pirate day is now a national holiday
242.  If horses become endangered, they must be deported.
243. If humans become endangered, haha, funny! Let em die! Boom! Boom! Haha! Great fun!
244. Any Psychiatrist who says that I am insane is clearly delusional and should be immediately sent to my made up friend’s house.
245. The inadvertent donation of a cake is expected to be atoned for by said accidental donator, lest they face death as noted in proposition 314
246. Rocks will now have their natural human rights restored.
247. The nickle will no longer be worth 5 cents, instead it will be worth 5.00000001 cents
248. Monetary value is now worthless. Figure that one out.
249. Failure is now an official sport. (Finally a sport I can win!)
250. Clicking 'Share this video' now merits a gold Olympic medal
251. Facebook users should have their face slammed into a book
252. The CEO of Wako Soaps is now a evil villain.
253. Evil villains should have hand soap
254. Banisters should be banned
255. All cars get more money if they run over civilians
256.  Hammers are better than wands, now.
257.  'Car Phones' are cool again. I am cool!
258.  Dabbing is now officially banned
259.  But selfies are now oficially required. Post one a day lest you face death.
260.  Cups need to be klein bottles
261.  All rugs need to be magical and fly
262.  You must have 23 bottles of hand sanitizer with you at any given moment.
263.   Leaves are now an official currency! Valued at 1 trillion leaves to the dollar
264. To fix the inflation of leaves as currency all trees will be burned down
265.  'Done' now had the same meaning as 'Dung'
266.  Money will now grow on trees.
267.  You must now marry Fertiliser 
268.  Homophones are now Homonyms
269.  Anglophilia is now punishable by an average life
270.  All police officers now have to wear hoodies
271.  Sleep is banned
272.  Cats are now officially and legally better than groundhogs
273.  All houses must have a Pulvinar in the attic
274.  All sport events now work under 'Mors usque ad inimicum'
275.  Solipsism, y’all are illusions!
276.  Being awake now has a yearly tax, and royalty for use of the flat Earth.
277.  All bobby pins are to be renamed greggy pins. Greggy was feeling left out
278.  Buttons are now official witchcraft and is punishable by stake burning
279.  Doctors are mean. Bah!
280. Mean people get special pins
281. Special pins are lethal
282.  Dihydrogen monoxide is banned. It's obviously a terrible chemical
283.  Socks and crocs are now fashionable.
284.  No more people wearing green shoes while wearing a blue baseball cap, while wearing purple and black striped shirts while wearing jeans
285. The fashion police are now right about grammar
286. The grammar police are now right about fashion
287. Pigs must now fly
288.  The ^ symbol in coding languages now means 'I have a hat' and 'I want a carrot' instead of XOR
289. Exclusive or(XOR) will now be called Or, And Inclusive Or: Orand
290.  Ascii art now cannot be used in the place of real graphics
291.  'Drag and Drop' coding languages will now replace regular coding languages. I can barely understand Drag and Drop!
292.  All coding languages will count from 1
293.  All words in the english language will have genders like in spanish
294.  Learning other languages is banned
295.  Windows can no longer have glass
296.  Trees cannot make gravitons
297.  'One' is now pronounced like 'Two'
298.  'Three' is now pronounced like 'Four'
299.  'Four' is now pronounced like 'Five'
300.  'Five' is now pronounced like 'Six'
301.  'Six' is now pronounced like 'Seven'
302.  'Seven' is now pronounced like 'Eight'
303. 'Eight' is now pronounced like 'Nine'
304. 'Nine' is now pronounced like 'Zero'
305. 'Zero' is now pronounced like 'One'
306. All numbers greater than 10 are now not pronounced
307. Dragons are now real
308. Park benches now include microphones
309. There will be a TV channel devoted to Paint Drying 
310. There will be a TV channel devoted to Grass growing
311. The only TV Channels will be the ones mentioned in other propositions. All others are to be ended
312.   All 'Keep off the grass' signs are now inverted. “Keep off the grass” now is “You have to stay on the grass”
313.  All children under the age of 5 must have a full drill press with them at all times for protection
314.  Pi is better
315. There will be a TV channel devoted to me eating cake. I want to eat cake, okay?
316. Night is now banned
317. No One can judge me 
318. Music streaming services will now only play my lack of snoring when I sleep
319.  Soda pop will now explode. It will go POP!
320. 'New Coke' is being brought back
321.  Bugs are now 10 feet tall
322.  Plants are now considered animals and vegans can't eat them
323.  Animals now have wheels
324.  The judicial system will be abolished in favor of an honour system
325.  Every table must have a gong
326.  Bricks are now fun weapons
327.  Giant Death Lizards will now patrol the streets
328.  We are now putting George Orwell in charge of National Security
329.  The Department of the interior will now be janitorial service for the White House.
330.  the CIA will now be controlled by A. Einstein. Alfred Einstein, his brother. Sorry.
331.  Resurrections are punishable by life
332.  All banned numbers will be confiscated.
333. The meaning of life the universe and everything will now be 42
334.  It is no longer polite to eat a textbook whilst talking to your boss
335.  You must eat trains every day
336.  You must adopt a lemur named george baskin
337.  You must hang upside down from a tree for an hour each day
338.  By reading and accepting this document, you agree to forfeit your soul and sell your lifeless body on any online shopping service.
339.  All Donuts are mine. I just love em!
340. All other deep fried cakes are also mine.
341. All cucumbers will be escorted from the white house. I’d prefer cake.
342. All phones and computers need different chargers
343. All companies who are names after fruit can no longer make electronics
344. Palindromes are banned
345. Only I can wear earrings. I can wear earrings if I so chose!
346. You can only talk in all caps if you are shouting
347. You must join the huntington post mailing list
348. Camels can no longer be used for satanic rituals
349. Door Knockers must knock down doors
350. Everyone must have an artillery in their driveway
351. All candles must be used in arson
352. Vacuum cleaners need to be able to fly
353. Shoot all flying toasters on sight
354. Throw floor tiles at any pineapples
355. Obey all propositions under threat of a slow and painful death
356. All rooms must include signs pointing to coffee
357. Children require a licence
358. All vending machines must include laser turrets
359. All Traffic cones must fly
360. The Emoji 'floating businessman' is to mean 'Last time I saw a guy with a bearskin cap and a miniature nuke; I was at a swimming pool'
361. Summer camp songs must now include 'All hail Jase Collings'
362. At 12:00 Noon every sunday you must join a torch carrying mob to destroy the Crumpington post 
363. Before eating you must sing the new national anthem. It's the current national anthem set to a reggae beat and the words are replaced with 'All hail Jase Collings'
364. All backpacks must be sentient
365. All water bottles must have licorice tied around it
366. No container may have a cap
367. Spaceships must contain deadly weapons
368. Harpoons are now in every fast food to-go box
369. Tires must always be tired
370. Tires must be square
371. All earphones should look like ears
372. Headphones must be able to make phone calls, play flappy bird, text, take pictures, and tell you the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (European)
373. If you are asked 'How many lights are there' you must shout as if you were a tortured madman 'THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS'
374. If you like chocolate; dont
375. Beans now must contain 10% cyanide
376. TNT should replace burritos
377. Kids should play with fire
378. You must not look both ways before crossing the street
379. No internet service provider can teach you how to juggle
380. All chair/couch legs must have the ability to walk
381. A light bulb turning on now represents that you had an idea, then lost it like an idiot
382. All walls must contain at least 9 windows
383. The number 5.3 is banned
384. 8 is now prime as it has 2 factors, 1 and itself, anyone who debates me will be sent to the gallows
385. There will be gallows on every beach
386. All words currently considered curse words now should be interpreted by their meaning. 'You are a female dog!' 'No, And why is that in insult'
387. Clocks need to only show time in the unix time.
388. Using a subway[1] should now cost 435.32 gold bars
389. All movies must include 'no animals were harmed in the making of this video'. Regardless of this is true or if they even had animals
390. Floppy discs are now contraband
391. Every time you talk to a TSA agent you must talk about your lack of interest in country music regardless of if you like country music
392. Liking country music is now a federal offence
393. Keychains must be able to be used in place of handcuffs
394. Everyone must put on gas masked when they want their internal organs back
395. The republican party can now only consist of donkeys
396. The democratic party can now only consist of elephants
397. Elephants can now forget, especially campaign promises
398. Websites must include an image of a web
399. If you tap your heels three times saying 'There’s no place like home' you will be imprisoned
400. Flying is felony. Note; using a plane isn’t
401. Spontaneous combustion is illegal
402. Hospital helipads must now hold an apache attack helicopter
403. Pentagons are illegal
404. Error; 404.exes are now banned
405. Your social media profiles can now be used for legal identification
406. If you wear a funny hat you have more legal authority
407. The 'witness protection' program will be replaced by the 'Snitches get Stitches' program
408. Government corruption is no longer a crime
409. I pardon myself of everything I am doing, have ever done, or will ever do
410. Saying 'a pinch' when it comes to measurement now means 32 gallons
411. A 'lifetime' or a 'generation' now refers to the lifetime of a fruit fly. 'I have been at school for hundred generations!' means 'I have been at school for 13 years!'
412. School now lasts 13 years.
413. Trash bins must now be called 'The throne of garbage'
414. Firefly will remain cancelled indefinitely
415. 'please' now means 'Thank you' 
416. 'Thank you' means 'I want a tank' 
417. 'I want a tank' now means 'thank you'
418.  I want my own personal spaceship
419.  I want a flying aircraft carrier
420. To 'sketch' now means to 'painfully draw for hours'
421. To 'painfully draw for hours' now means to sketch
422. A “Radian” is now equal to the elemental circumference of Radon-195
423.  Cursive now replaces any other form of written language
424.  Proposition #433 is now incorrect
425. Procrastination is now a sign of respect for whatever you should be doing.
426.  You must now do the opposite of this proposition.
427. This is now your employee number
428.  You must travel 100 bearans into subspace when going towards the Andromeda Galaxy at 500 light years cubed per parsec squared
429. Unicode is no longer the standard for internet communication, we must now only use ascii characters
430.  All computers are to run FreeBSD as the sole operating system.
431. In restaurants you must say 'Go away chad' before you order
432. All official documents must include a full invented language, with unique grammar and a dictionary written in the previous official document’s language.
433. Proposition #52 is false
434. The abuse of time dilation is no longer an acceptable excuse to use the bathroom for 40+ minutes.
435. All fonts are being abolished- we are switching to ASCII art.
436. Wait- now ASCII art is gone. We are switching to braille only.
437. And now only Braille ASCII Art. Good luck.
438. Ignore all propositions related to fonts
439. Ignore all propositions relating to the number 438, or has it included
440. Every time someone sneezes you must shout at him/her 'MY CANDY WRAPPERS ARE ESCAPING YOUR ARM RUN FROM THE SKY!!'
441. 441 is now the only number that can be used in any document, legal or otherwise
442. This is now officially proposition 442.
443. This is now officially proposition 444
444. This is now officially proposition 443
445. In order to be of any academic standing in the computer science field, you must write a universally common programming language for all architectures.
446. The letter 'Q' is now lame.
447. You are now required to commit treason, as it is punishable by death.
448. I hereby rename proposition 422 to 444.
449. All numbers above 7 are banned in math classes
450. I hereby require that Infinity be less than 100.
451. All object descriptions must be reduced to atom-by-atom descriptions.
452. Everything with more than 2.45298% arsenic is now legal
453. Everything with less than 2.45298% arsenic is now illegal
454. Any and all illicit behavior will be rewarded
455. All languages other than Cherokee are now banned, as due to a peace treaty with Minneapolis
456. All people who follow proposition 456 will be punished with being worse off than George Washington’s current status.
457. Mexico is now a part of Canada.
458. All one eyed one horned flying purple people eaters are to be deported.
459. We are to send all of our military defenses to North Korea.
460. We are to send the Nuclear Codes to West Korea
461. We are to send our military units to East Korea
462. We are to send any militia to South Korea
463. Let us watch the affects of propositions 459-462 play out...
464. The United States will now accept sponsorships.
465. We are to convert the national debt to bananas.
466. Genetic Engineers are to create real life numbers that can be added, multiplied, subtracted, etc.
467.  All genetically engineered numbers are to be cute and fluffy.
468.  And they are to have rabies.
469.  All days are to be renamed 'Friday' as per proposition 59.
470. Any and all peoples that have appendages are to be given a brain capacity akin to that of a cadaver.
471. All Fridays are officially the worst.
472. You only get weekends off if you have a special card distributed by me.
473. I will now live in complete seclusion.
474. People keep talking about government transparency. We must make it as opaque as unhumanly possible!
475. it is very important that you follow this one.
476. All sentences must be said in palindrome form.
477. It is now illegal to say or spell someone’s name correctly.
478. I’m watching you, Phil.
479. Drywall must be burned tomorrow before dawn.
480. Engineers of any type are to have their vocal cords removed.
481. Engineers may only do spoken math.  
482. The + and the - sign are to be switched 
483. If you are waiting in a line, you are to create origami ninja stars
484. Whenever using a map it must be a dymaxion projection
485. Projectors must have the ability to shoot fire
486. There is a 12% tax of all straight lines
487. Exponents are banned, instead you have to write out the multiplication
488. You can no longer use variables
489. The square root must be portrayed as an actual square
490. Actors must carry an armchair on them at all times
491. Using Logic is now illogical
492. When you are telling someone a tongue twister you must twist their actual tongue
493. If you are wearing a mustache but not a beard, you must cut your mustache
494. If you have a mustache and a beard you must carry mustard on you at all times 
495. You now cannot bring a horse to water, but you can make it drink
496. If you use a semicolon: use a colon
497. If you use a Colon; use a semicolon
498. Double priced tacos on tuesday
499. If you do not read proposition 500, you will die a day sooner.
500. If you read proposition 500, you will get to live an extra day for your obedience