Jase Collings' Propositions Part 2

By Jase Collings - Published 2019-08-16

501. You no longer can print to PDF, you can only print to actual printers
502. Printers must have a pint of milk on top of them at all times
503. All Printers must be hooked up to shreders
504. Your Brain must now fulfill the function of the heart
505. Your Heart must now fulfill the function of the brain
506. If you point your finger and laugh at a buffalo you get a pickle. A legal pickle(It must bounce as of proposition 5)
507. All Canons have to be able to be used as cannon shells
508. The & and the $ sign are to be switched
509. The # is now an offencive anti government sign
510. Using any sign that is either offencive or anti-government would lead to death
511. Obey proposition 355 under threat of a slow and painful death
512. Obey this proposition and the previous proposition under threat of a slow and painful death
513. There is now the word 'Seesay' for if you see something first hand
514. The word 'Hearsay' if you hear something first hand
515. The word 'Gossip Say' replaces the word 'Hearsay'
516. 3,000,002 is now the national number
517. The bald eagle is no longer the national animal in favor of the Unicorn
518. The national flower of Texas will no longer be the bluebonnet. They grow friggin everywhere and you are not allowed to cut national flowers so they become a pest (See proposition 624)
519. All Bluebonnets need to be painted red
520. Saying 'Cryptography' is illegal. It's 'Cryptology', not 'Cryptography'
521. You must visit this site daily
522. Shrimp Cocktails are banned
523. Beeswax now must be made out of actual bees
524. Bee hives need to be in the shape of the letter 'B'
525. 52 no longer equals 25
526. 52 now equals 26
527. 5+2 no longer equals 7
528. 5+2 now equals 8
529. 529 is now the national annoying number
530. 5*2 no longer equals 10
531. 5*2 now equals 11
532. The white flag now means 'I want to fight'
533. The Skull and crossbones now means 'I surrender'
534. The radiation sign now means 'This is not irradiated'. This is not dependant on weather it is actually radioactive
535. The alphabet now goes 'QWRGFSLCVMDXBOZTJPUIHEKAYN' instead of 'ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ'
536. Sundays are illegal on sunday. Not just eating one, owning/seeing/knowing about are illegal too
537. You can no longer think about puppies. Don’t think about puppies, don’t do it!
538. Jack O'Lanterns must be made of macaroni
539. Pumpkins must have a toxic waste pump inside of them.
540. Mountain lions must be ½ their current size
541. All mines now need to be full of gold
542. First place always gets a bronze
543. There must always be a participation award. I like winning
544. The participation award must be the biggest and made of gold. I Really like winning
545. In every competition you must lose, unless you are me, then you automatically win by a landslide. I really really really like winning
546. The space bar must have 'Space' written on it, because when I peck type I can’t find it
547. You have to peck when you type so that I don’t feel left out
548. In any sporting event I must be picked first.
549. Proposition 549 is correct
550. Proposition 550 is wrong
551. Proposition 551 is correct
552. Proposition 551 is wrong
553. Proposition 551 is as right as 552 and 553
554. Anytime you should use double quotes, use single quotes
555. Anytime you should use single quotes, use double quotes
556. Whiteboards should be called markerboards
557. If you have a vincent van gogh painting, you must cut of your ear. This extends to pictures or replications
558. You must use nails in place of tacs and tacs in the place of nails
559.  Paper has to be folded 8 times before you can write on it
560. All notebooks have to have a table of contents
561. No phone can make phone calls. Not like that changes much
562. Air vents must be accessible for secret agents
563. All sprinklers must light things on fire
564. Firefighters should not fight with fire, they should work together to burn the entire world
565. Ambulances must go around beating people up
566. Police badges have to be able to be used as ninja stars
567. The % sign now means 0/0. Take a good look at it
568. No One can use the @ sign or they risk getting beaten to death with apples
569. You must fall down the nearest staircase when you type * (Star)
570. You can no longer type Ascii emoji, instead email a picture of a reaction to them
571. Whenever you open any program on any electronic device it will take a picture of you and send it to all of your friends
572. Pizza must be able to skateboard
573. Arrows must point you away of where you want to go
574. If you say you are “Awesome”, you will be expected to prove it by obtaining one of the following ICD10 codes: “V97.33XD”, “V95.45XD”, or “X52”
575. In casual discourse; All words have been replaced with “Hail” with the exception of “President”, “Jase”, and “Collings” in exclusively that order
576. All mice are to wear a toupee at all times
577. All toucans must have 2 cans strapped to their backs
578. All Koalas must have sunglasses (With the googly eyes mentioned in proposition 207)
579. Gemstones are now legally the same as potatoes
580. All public transport are to be replaced by fighter jets. Not for getting around, we are not that nice to our people
581. Chinooks now have nooks full of gummy animals. I just love em!
582. All baby powder must contain gunpowder
583. Ye who lives in a glass house must throw stones
584. Ye who doesn’t live in a glass house must throw stones
585. Ye who is somehow excluded from the 2 rules which came prior must still throw stones
586. Shoot all Kiwi on sight
587. Poking is now an official form of torture
588. All tuxedos must be cannibalistic
589. The Internet must be designed to turn off when you actually need to get work done
590. “My dog ate my spreadsheet” is now a perfectly acceptable excuse
591. All glasses must be accompanied by at least one cheek at all times, lest they face death.
592. All Kline bottles must have 2 sides
593. Wells must now contain arsenic instead of water
594. All gardens must include misters
595. Seatbelts must include a live electric wire
596. All wolves must huff and puff
597. All gas tanks should explode
598. All solar panel should function as death rays
599. Santa Claus is now officially real
600. Mice no longer runs the world
601. Dolphin doppelgängers must like cheeseburgers
602. Basketball hoops need to have tweezers in their hoop
603. Fire alarms need to have turrets
604. Mouthwash needs to contain hockey stick fragments
605. All potted plants must include a miniature model of the titanic
606. Jigsaw puzzles are to include to a real flamethrower.
607. All globes are to be sent through an hydroelectric press until they represent the true flat planet (On Gerald Fits’ request)
608. Door stops must have nuclear explosives that are activated on touch. I do not like people opening doors quickly
609. The Tortoise has now lost the race with the hare
610. If this rule does not apply to you it now does
611. Bathtubs must contain an octopus
612. Sharks must have lasers
613. The true solution to the unexpected hanging paradox is that out executioners would never be that nice
614. Zoology is now a pseudoscience
615. No yawning
616. All mirrors must have a picture of the moon taped on
617. Tapestries must contain mustaches
618. No more closets
619. Every car must contain a wooden log named “woodie”
620. Every day you must purchase a new weapons
621. Mars needs to be terraformed into a pear
622. All cameras must also have a balloon attached
623. Every fish must contain a ballista
624. Texas is a sovereign nation
625. When you are asked about two trains 100 miles apart moving twoards each other you must say butterfly
626. Every eel is a sovereign nation
627. Every day you must write an essay about chimneys(each must be different)
628. If it is pink it must be flammable
629. If you exist you go to York
630. New York is now called York
631. Mortars are to replace doors
632. Refrigerators must include a lamp post
633. All butterflies will be represented by a stick of unsalted butter with wings whilst riding a motorcycle on a rainbow.
634. “Fence”, “Wall”, and “Ramp”must be clearly defined
635. Any coffee that does not contain cyanide is mine now.
636. All Tents must be abolished
637. Glasses must be made for Cyclopsis
638. All hockey games must include live ammunition
639. Foosball should be renamed “Foolsball”
640. Foolsball can only be played by morons
641. I want my chair back! Rodney, it's not funny. Seriously
642. The oval office must be made square
643. All guns must own people
644. If you believe in miracles, stop. Now
645. If something is unfinished.
646. I want a 3d printer but for origami
647. Any software with a “Like” button must now look like a fish (With the ballista mentioned in proposition 623 attached and loaded)
648. To “Log in” and to “Sign out” now means the same thing
649. To “Log out” and to “Sign in” now means the same thing
650. The lottery must now have better odds. At Least lightning attempts to strike you!
651. Lightning must always strike the same place twice
652. I am filing a formal noise complaint to “The Weather” as they are way to loud after 10:00 PM
653. Formal noise complaints are now a thing
654. Only I can now make formal noise complaints
655. All formal noise complaints must go to “The Weather” as they are way to loud after 10:00 PM
656. If you think. Stop. If you think AT ALL you MUST STOP IMMEDIATELY
657. Storage rooms must contain spare bazooka ammo
658. All whales must have a robotic tale
659. No more metta jokes
660. Metaphorically you must use literally in place of metaphorically
661. Metaphorically you must use metaphorically in place of literally
662. Parallel lines are to be punished by listening to someone drone on about the most boring ancient history facts in a monotone voice
663. No more liking of ancient history. Not like this changes much
664. Books are to be destroyed. They are too violent. They stop people from going outside and enjoying the beautiful smog. Adults read instead of solving real problems. People become dumber because of how dumb all books are (Which I know even If I am at best semi-literatetier and haven’t read basically anything). People get addicted to books. And cuz I say so
665. If you sneeze more than 4 times in an hour all people within a 1 mile radius of you must actively attempt to destroy you
666. Satan will no longer be bullied by mean people who “Don’t want to burn in hell for an eternity” or people who say “He is literally the embodiment of all things evil and unjust”
667. Everyone must read and memorise all of the propositions. Still more useful than anything you learn in geography
668. You can no longer be sarcastic without getting a scar and a cast
669. Gumball machines must include miniature grenades that look and taste identical to gumballs however they randomly explode
670. Hopefully by now the automobiles launched into space in proposition 70 can be used to invade mars
671. It is illegal to be a communist ghost and not know you are dead
672. All trident submarines must be able to shoot hurricanes and tsunami at people
673. All trident submarines must have three prongs
674. All forks must have 9 prongs
675. All foxes must have 2 tails
676. All superfast blue hedgehogs must collect rings
677. Copyright number VA0001213419 is to end
678. The Public domain will now mean “Not even the creator can access it now Bwahaha”
679. To be “insane” now means “to be smarter than enstin!”
680. If you are asked what flavor, you must respond “Pie flavor” at which point a miniature pie hops out of the pie.
681. All bears must be deported to the moon
682. The moon must be called mün
683. If someone’s “got your nose” it now theft
684. If your tie doesn’t want to hit a parking meter with a flower you need to return it
685. All cake which cannot turn into a tree must be smashed with a monorail
686. All horses must also be mice
687. If you say “I can't wait” you must now wait for 24 hours
688. You must cry over spilled milk
689. Fax machines must be labeled ”sandwich”
690. If you asked “Are we there yet” the answer must be no, If you are there you must leave
691. Dogs must be able to turn invisible
692. Gravity must be optional
693. You must punch salads
694. No more “knock knock jokes”
695. Bunnies must be evil. What do they need such good eyesight for anyway. BUNNIES. BUNNIES. IT MUST BE BUNNIES
696. All mailboxes must have hats
697. All clouds must be cows
698. If you are asked a rhetorical question, answer the opposite of what they expect
699. Cactuses must have exactly 699 spikes
700. Volleyballs must be made of snakes
701. Saying “Cannonball” before jumping into a pool is banned unless you are attempting to sink a battleship
702. If you are in a box, get out
703. All busses must be space worthy
704. Ethereal backpacks must include octopuses
705. Deals with the devil must include a fiddle contest
706. All fiddle songs must include a drum solo
707. Seals must include carrots
708. Chainmail must include murderous nightmare tentacles
709. Keys must include chainmail
710. Rats and Parrots are now legal courtroom witnesses
711. No more dinosaurs
712. If a chicken pecks you, you must throw it as far as you can
713. All drinks must turn you into a cat
714. You must have a driver's licence to be a pile of ash
715. The nearest parking spot to the main entrance of every building must be for and me only
716. All Pygmy goats are to have lutes
717. All unicorn horns now count as hand weapons
718. Unicorns are real now!
719. All flamingoes must have flamethrowers
720. All piles of gold must have spicy rats
721. All bagpipes need to have castle walls
722. All chairs must make crocodile noises
723. All crocodiles must go “Tik, Tok”
724. Ears need to have microphones
725. If you and your friend go to a movie theatre, one must say, “Jase”, the other must say, “Colling’s”, and the third must say, “Propositions”
726. All rings must be magical
727. All robot bugs must be pink
728. All robot animals must be weak to hedgehog quills
729. All footballs must be on fire
730. Baseball fields can no longer be diamonds
731. Hats must have sharp razor blades
732. All keyboards must be DVORAK
733. All computer monitors must run on mice
734. Cars must be powered by perpetual motion machines
735. Perpetual motion machines must now actually work
736. There will no longer be the 0th law of thermodynamics, it will be the 4th law. Why do they count from 0?
737. All sheds must be immediately abandoned
738. All benches must have spikes
739. Spaceships must be red
740. Nuclear weapons must be cool looking
741. All outlets must have an extra useless prong
742. Languages can no longer use accents on their letters(ὸὺᾱ etc). They are just too hard to type!
743. All fonts must be monospace
744. You musn’t question the propositions
745. All programs must autosave
746. All turtles must be invulnerable
747. All fungi must be fun and sentient
748. Fractions are to be abolished
749. Being spied on by the government is not only allowed, it's mandatory
750. I will get all of your money
751. Computers must now think in base 10. Binary is weird
752. All birds must come with cameras
753. Volleyball is now forbidden
754. Bikes must contain hair dryers
755. Washing machines must include carrots
756. Broccoli must now taste good. I don’t like broccoli
757. All foundations must include swords
758. You do not have to ever have “Evidence”
759. I hereby demand that the english language not suck
760. If you have read all of the propositions up to this point you get a gold star. Not actually made of gold, it's a sticker
761. I must get a gold star on all of my work
762. Copyright Id: VAu001005631 is to be enforced by a robotic secret police
763. No airplane runways. They can land without them, probably.
764. All people must wear buckets on their heads
765. Rhinoceros monologues must now include the sentence “I am a feather duster and I want a giraffe”
766. Giving mice cookies is punishable by having to get it a glass of milk
767. All cats must have scales
768. You can no longer take advice from porcupines
769. If you are six feet tall or taller you musn’t cut your hair
770. If you are an extrovert you are banned from talking
771. If you are an introvert you must talk constantly
772. All highways must be trapped
773. Repetition is banned
774. Repetition is banned
775. Hypocrisy is now acceptable
776. Evolution must end
777. Chicken sandwiches must contain live chickens
778. Live chickens must contain C4
779. In chess any piece on the square C4 must die immediately
780. I am now better at chess
781. No quote can be taken in context
782. Proposition 424 is false
783. All computer shortcuts are to be made simpler
784. All money must have my face on it
785. More castles must be built
786. The military budget is to become all of the national budget
787. We will no longer be in dept
788. Vending machines must be a sphere
789. All “6”’s must be afraid of 7.
790. 790 people must read this proposition
791. No more tuna
792. Verbal communication must be in a series of clicks
793. This proposition must not make sense
794. The Nand logic gate is to be abolished. Using an ‘and’ followed by a ‘not’ is still perfectly acceptable
795. You must pray to the street lamps
796. “I” is now spelled Kerflaumaungerinospeciattinaryesotreactolgerinovolcanosisititania
797. If you think that this sentence will be complete
798. All posters must be for movies
799. There can only be 99 integers less than 800 and more than 700
800. There can only be one sequel to any movie
801. The number “801” sucks
802. The number “802” should get a graphical overhaul
803. I am to be given ideas for more propositions
804. Thinking I am anything less than perfect is a crime
805. Pajamas are to be made out of human hair
806. “Hair” on humans is to be called “Fur”
807. “Fur” on animals is to be called “Hair”
808. Video game controllers must be made out of monarch butterflies
809. All lines in the road must be colored black
810. This proposition is to never change
811. Ferrets must be captured in baseball cards
812. All ajar doors must transform into a jar
813. The bold tag in HTML will now be <Iwantitboldokayitsnotthatcompicatedjeezyouaretopicky></Iwantitboldokayitsnotthatcompicatedjeezyouaretopicky>
814. Hospitals must now serve rice as a side dish to surgery
815. All surgery must be fatal
816. No more lawsuits
817. All cables must include sausages
818. Meerkats need to be blind
819. Proposition 820 is false

821.  This proposition must be written in white with no highlight
822. This proposition must have a white highlight
823. This proposition must be bold
824. This proposition must be italicised
825. This proposition must be underlined
826. This proposition must be striked through
827. THIS PROPOSITION MUST BE IN ALL CAPS
828. Thispropositionmustnotincludespaces
829. this proposition must be undercase
830. This Proposition Must Be In Title Case
831. This proposition is to be normal
832. This proposition is to be smaller
833. This Proposition is to be larger
834. Proposition 821-833 must be considered the greatest propositions
835. All contests including ties must always tie
836. My jokes must always be considered “funny”
837. Cheating must always be allowed
838. Boredom is outlawed
839. Theme parks must always be themed “Dinosaurs”
840. Dinosaurs are no longer extinct
841. Nabalacanairphololipidnoxaseidiatitinavolcanospherosisquipipididialyophobionicophysphorilisation is now an alternative spelling for “Hi”
842. Saying “Hello” is punishable by poking
843. Fly swatters must include electric prongs
844. Necklaces must strangle the user
845. No shoe can ever fit
846. The number “846” must have 3 digits
847. Pine trees must be sharp
848. See proposition 849
849. See proposition 848
850. Skip this proposition
851. Go to jail, Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200$
852. You must phrase your answer in the form of a question
853. This is now in your job description
854. Trains and tables are now the national foods
855. Alkaline water and Apple cider vinegar must be added to every drink
856. All spills must contain cyanide
857. Coconut oil must be flammable
858. You must pay attention 200$. As in you must pay the nearest thing called “attention” 200 US dollars
859. Lockpicks must now be fully automatic
860. Today will never end
861. “Ayactattinayacallorinamophylaritonopieyo” is an insult
862. A box is now an effective disguise
863. Proposition  479 and 171 are no longer basically identical
864. Haunting people after you die is now impossible and mandatory
865. You must do the impossible
866. Proposition 866 must imply something
867. Chips must be in your sleeve
868. It must be 5 o'clock somewhere
869. Up is now officially down
870. I must now run the Huntington Post
871. Greg must now write less. How much he writes is a little absurd
872. “Innocent until proven guilty” will now mean “Guilty and cannot be proven innocent”
873. Sharp knives need to be made more dangerous
874. Swords must be sharp everywhere. Even on the handle
875. January the 5th is now a national holiday that will be celebrated on march 20th. Not celebrating anything
876. If a propositions number counts down from 8 to 6 and is less than 931 then they must be ignored
877. You must praise me on my birthday I will not tell you which day that is so you will just have to guess and hope
878. Wells must say “Well well well” every time you get within 4.3234252569298219259923920402945049504309003942 feet of it
879. Forklifts must now be classified as silverware
880. Sporks must be ranged weapons
881. Food must taste good

883. 883 is now less than 882

882. 882 is now less than 883

884. Science is officially no longer about “why”; it is about “why not”

885. Moon Rocks must now be harvested to create a giant pit of moon rocks for my enjoyment
886. I want a personal foam pit
887. All Trampolines must be photographers
888. All fruit needs to be able to complete basic trigonometric equations
889. All building shall be constructed solely of duct tape
890. Invisible is now a color
891. Records must be frisbees
892. All passwords should be “password” so I can remember them easier
893. Proposition 893 is to be top secret
894. Spheres, now referred to as Catacombs, must meow.
895. All beds must roll
896. Rust must look like mud
897. Scars must heal
898. You can now teach old dogs new tricks
899. All sources must be out of date by 26.63 years
900. With the notable exception of this proposition All propositions must be true
901. Breaking a mirror is now 6 Years bad luck
902. The Unicode consortium should now only release emoji
903. Sidewalks are for cars only
904. Knowing the last digit of pi is mandatory
905. Dice must have an extra side
906. Voice recognition must get worse
907. You must have -pi*i apples
908. Time to be abolished for 2 hours every day
909. The speed of light will slow down
910. The speed of sound will speed up

911. 911 is no longer the official number of the police department
912. 912 is now the official number of the police department
913. The enigma machine will be brought back into use
914. Submarines must fly
915. If your name is bob you must become a sword
916. Dragons must now exist
917. Space shuttles must serve me breakfast
918. I demand addition be simplified
919. Donuts must not have holes
920. Spatulas must have warning labels
921. Halitosis will no longer be in the English dictionary
922. All words ending in “ation” should start with an “n”
923. Safes must be a safety hazard
924. Morse code is to be abolished
925. All butterflies must be made of butter
926. This proposition is special
927. Arson is now legalised. Fire=Fun
928. I hereby demand that biology is to be made more interesting
929. Dusk now means Dawn
930. Dawn now means Dusk
931. UUIDS are to be abolished in favor of fun names like “Bob” or “Jim” or “Mackadamiarniacatitinarimanoraciandearistoperopialynearchopeowkernackshelowcorabitioumebevepoinfegaursnoulabecarxilacomonierseacatiownephli...”
932. All lizards must have unexpected genetic alterations and be between 13 and 19 years old and must be trained in the art of ninjutsu
933. All superheroes must be dark and broody regardless of how they are portrayed in comic books
934. No supersuit should be green and animated in a non-animated movie
935. If someone asked “Open the pod bay doors” you must respond “I’m sorry, dave, but I can’t let you do that”
936. “Dr” now only refers to doctors, scientists don’t deserve titles
937. Now burning retrograde will be less effective than burning towards your destination
938. Now all right triangles are wrong
939. All hypotonouses are of length 3.
940. Acute angles are now Anugly angles. They make me so jealous
941. Definitions should include the word they are defining
942. Proposition 782 is true
943. Saying “They basicly robbed me” must now be taken literaly
944. All games must include loot boxes
945. Pavlov's bell can no longer ring
946. Plato's cave is now banned due to it's offensive nature. It makes fun of people who like to be chained up inside of caves
947.  No more metaphors
948.  Similies can no longer use “like” or “as”
949. No more encrypted messages
950. School needs to be more painful. They need more tests
951. I demand that the nervous system calms down
952. All marbles have to be lost
953. No beans can go un-spilled
954. All words have to be longer than their definitions. Including words like “I”
955. We will petition for less stars in the sky What if they fall? This is a serious health concern!!!!
956. No more overuse of exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
957. Dystopia is now what we want instead of a Utopia. Who would want that?
958. This proposition can no longer exist
959. answer to p v np is now “Jase Collings”
960. “Pole” is now true
961. No proposition can be changed or repealed
962. Repeal proposition 961
963. “Pole” is now false
964. Ledges must now be made for jumping
965. “No Diving” must be ignored
966. Dreams are not banned. However; sleep is(Proposition 271)
967. Crayons must now come in more colors
968. When you want to use a pen you must instead use a mechanical pencil
969. When you want to use a mechanical pencil you must instead use a pencil
970. When you want to use a pencil you must instead use a pen
971. Antlers must be pointeyer
972. More gooder is now grammatically acceptable
973. If someone says ”My word” you must respond “Cracker”
974. If someone says “Like a pig in a blanket” they must explain how anything can relate to swine in a blanket
975. Humans must now be able to perform photosynthesis.
976. Science can no longer use complicated sounding words
977. Adding random long words in sentences ensures that you sound more photosynthesis
978. Mitochondria are no longer the powerhouse of the cell
979. Farmers need to be skilled in martial arts
980. Fusion reactions need to be created
981. Antidisestablishmentarianism is no longer the longest word in the english language I have no idea what the longest is now, it's just not Antidisestablishmentarianism
982. I want an army of the dead
983. We must find Aliens, to then deport them
984. Atlantis will be found
985. Kicking puppies now technically job experience for every job
986. Who ever didn’t vote for me will be executed
987. Everyone must acknowledge the fact that 987 counts downwards
988. Flashlights are now more efficient
989. I am now technically a mailbox flag
990. Hail must now be weaponized
991. Planes must now drop concrete slabs
992. We will use east Korea’s tax code
993. Cow bells must be rung at the start of dinner
994. Lunch is abolished
995. Tacos are now a breakfast food
996. You musn’t notice the lack of proposition 997

998. Proposition 942 is false

999. Reading up to here is mandatory

1001. The number 1000 is now banned