New Implant Could Save Thousands

By The Editorial Board - Published 2018-08-01

Inventor Jase Collings has created a new biotechnology implant to solve hundreds of real-world problems, including death. We asked Jase Collings to join us for this article. "What my partners and I did was create the future," says Collings, "A future of which we could experience forever!" We cut out the technical parts mostly because we couldn't understand what he was talking about. 

"By getting this implant, you could save money, make your job easier, save lives, you would be basically Iron Man" says one of Collings' researchers. They are hoping to deploy their invention to the masses in Summer 2136. We asked Collings to elaborate on what he invented. "It is the future. With this, people can think faster, work harder, play harder, solve problems beyond our comprehension." he says. We managed to get enough money for an engineer to take a look at the plans. If Bob asks where the payroll went, say you don't know. "You would have to remove your arm, your brain, and your left lung and replace them with these buggy implants" said Dr. James, 6 year Enginnering degree, "You couldn't last a minute!" 

Jase Collings of course denied the accusations of the 'removal of arm' part. It was actually to replace part of the rib cage. He did, however, confirm the other two. "What we want to do is literally make you a computer. The brain can do thousands more computations than an organic brain, and the left lung will be replaced with another liver to process extra fluids [as to cool the brain]". He also says the rib cage replacement will allow the user to lift more, completely forgetting about the carry weight of the legs. As of now, his research has been suspended by the North Korean Government, who was origionally funding his work.