New Property of Ice Found!
By the Editorial Board - Published 2018-08-01
The Antarctic division of the Huntington Science Wing has reported that in their small antarctic town that they have found a new property of ice! They say this new property that is completely new to the world will revolutionize not only food, but also drink as well. They expect a huge return on the research put into it, and it will take the world by storm. The tasteless liquid is guaranteed to never cause an allergic reaction, and can be drank by all.
The liquid develops from ice at 274.15 Kelvin and higher. It puddles and drips. It has a strange property where it forms weak bonds with itself and other particles automatically, allowing it to stick to nearly any surface while maintaining a low viscosity. It allows it to practically defy gravity, climb, etc. It behaves almost smartly, maintaining the lowest surface area. When combined with Potassium salts of long chain fatty acids, the material easily forms a sphere like object that floats. This is really surprising, and offers so much in the way of science, engineering, and foodstuff.
Strangely enough, the substance is very closely related to Dihydrogen Monoxide, but does not contain many of the inherently dangerous properties. For example, it can be easily diluted by ice or C12H22O11. It also has a wide temperature range, the widest ever. It is conceivable that it would be used for cooling electronic and biological components, and efficiently at that. As for how we got the science wing to test all these, if Bob asks where the payroll went say you don’t know.
Some of the science teams brought in other scientists to peer review their work. Jiǎxiǎng Cháng, plant biology expert, Jase Collings, 1yr engineering experience, and Dr. Heinbrow, pHD in material analysis, agreed to participate in interviews while reviewing the data. Do not worry, we made sure all the facts were out there.
We invited Dr. Heinbrow for interviews first, but all he did was recite his paper, “A Brilliant Study”. Jiǎxiǎng Cháng spoke slightly less boringly. “This new form of ice seemingly can do anything“ He continued “Scientists are still researching, so this may be wrong, but some believe it may be cure for the common cold, cancer and 10,000 other medically recognised disorders” When asked how this happened he lectured us for over an hour, eventually he said “This substance can do what it can because certain laws of physics apply to it, Through quantum tunneling, while unlikely, it can actually teleport!, through entanglement it can know about things on the other side of the universe!” We didn’t want to even try to understand all of what he is saying but the gist is that this magical state of ice can do magical things.
Jase Collins talks about how this affects the future of design “It may be possible to use some of its qualities to make explosives that can destroy about 3.797 million square miles” We asked him why he only cares about blowing up stuff and the importance of that very precise size but he said he had to go meet someone in a dark alleyway. He said something about them not being North Koreans. Filling in, Our plant biologist Jiǎxiǎng Cháng explains “In plant biology this can affect the very nature of how plants work, it's the biggest revolution in plant biology since last month!”
We brought in our customer support agent Max Greal, an avid foodie, to explain what this will do to the future of food “It would be nice to eat stuff” bringing him back on topic we explain the magical ice “If I make a sandwich, and put this magic ice in it? Is it a magic sandwich?” A very deep question we should all ask ourselves. Max left saying he had work to do. He went towards the cafeteria, leaving us on an intriguing philosophical question for the ages.
So spread the world! Tell your friends! Tell your Family! Tell you relatives! Tell your Neighbors! Tell that random guy on the subway! Just tell everyone that “Ice is cool now!” and they will be silent with amazement.
