Plants are Assassins
By Jiǎxiǎng Cháng And Gerald Fitz(Arizonian Writer) - Published 2019-04-17
To say you would see a plant kill someone would be insane, there are too good of assassins to ever be seen. Plants hide in plain sight. They can move quickly, Once I was with a plant in a room with some explosives and the plant simply disappeared! So you know they are tricky
The last plant I had to fight was powerful. I punched it and it didn’t even move. I thought that maybe I could body slam it. It was less than effective. But the giant sequoia hasn’t gotten me yet! I continue to spar with the tree, but each hit does nothing. My hands were starting to bleed but I continued. Eventually, it must yield. Eventually, the tree fought back and hit me with a branch, knocking me unconscious. When I awoke it was standing above me triumphantly. A true warrior
Plants use autotrophic weapons called “Chloro-blasts” that are small minute weapons they do not require ammo as they are solar powered. They are also silent, the perfect weapon for an assassin. They often have sharp weapons full of spikes called “leaves”. They can also have thorns. They can also seamlessly generate flammable material and which are a leading cause of several huge fires. Some have grenades, small things that explode, called “Pinecones”. Plants can use biological poisons and allergens to sicken you. They are well armed and very dangerous.They are also strong. Some special agents called “Trees” contain armor called “Bark”. Bark is defined as “[a] tough, protective outer sheath”. These can also be weaponized with aforementioned spikes, some often are even poisoned. They are terrifying. They can fly in the wind if they need to. Not only are they well equipped they also have monstrous proportions. The largest can be 379.7 feet tall(We use feet because we are superior), They can weigh more than 6600 Tons! They are true heavyweights. Due to this, they are basically invulnerable and immortal meaning that some can live for up to 4,845 years
Plants also contain some of the scariest of creatures from pineapples to cucumbers. According to Jiǎxiǎng Cháng, they also have a common ancestor with all of the most dangerous creatures. They share a common ancestor with lions, tigers, bears oh my! Also scorpions, jellyfish and everything else, and share most of their DNA. However, I wouldn’t trust him (He believes in the church of “science”). Even so, plant cells(Unlike ours) are hardened through battle. They contain a “Cell wall” which makes their cells stronger than ours. This makes them basically invulnerable. They also have a numbers advantage. Plants are all around the world and they outnumber us significantly. They come in a large variety but they all have one thing in common, they all are assassins.
Not only that plants have also been found to survive in dangerous conditions. They can survive underwater, making them perfect for raiding boats for assassination targets who try to flee in the water. Some can survive long times without water or food. They can grow in hot desert or the cold north. They can go basically anywhere. They can be patient and wait for long periods of time in preparation for the kill. They always keep a steady hand on their weapons and due to the number of branches they can have they can hold an army’s worth of weapons.
So, how do we fight these plants? Simple: you can’t. They are an unstoppable force. The only hope we have is to not get a plant assassin on your tail, The best way to do that is to film them, they hate it. They won’t move in fear of losing their cover. This causes them to be completely vulnerable, but be warned, even in this state they can be deadly.
In conclusion, we have to be afraid of the coming of the plants. They are a scary menace that we all need to know about, so spread the word. Tell your friends, Tell your potted plants that you know what they do when you aren’t looking. Tell the tree in your backyard that you have an eye on it. And always remember, Plants are assassins.
