The Illuminati Think They Are Hackers

By The Editorial Board - Published 2018-08-01

So, it is apparent to to us, at least, that we were indeed HACKED by the illuminati. They chose to brag about their minor victory on our website. So we chose to retaliate the honorable way - by changing the password. Ha! So there! Ok, fine, not very cool way to do it, but the Lead Editor won’t let us do any “unnecessary” actions. If they continue, oh, the Lead Editor says stuff is gonna go down. We interviewed Gerald Fitz (Arizonian Writer) on how the illuminati works. 

“Science shows that the Illuminati would retaliate,” Mr. Fitz said. “They HATE being beat. Next time, they may not be so forgiving…” The lead editor was conducting the interview. “What do you know about the Illuminati?” Gerald fitz replied, “Everything. It is all on the internet, and, when they try to take control of my dreams, I can see everything.” This is undeniable evidence that the illuminati. Gerald also wanted to get a picture of an Illuminati member (for reddit), but Tim said no. 

So, when the Illuminati strikes again, we will be ready. We are currently installing a tracker on the sign in page, and anybody with the username “Illuminati” will be traced, all the way back to their hideout underground. Of course, whenever we try to test it, it puts us right on some weather buoy in the Gulf of Guinea. Maybe we are actually there and not in the United States? 

So there you have it. We have been hacked by the Illuminati, we are not allowed to do anything further than testing the password, several members are secretly developing a tracker with the security team, and we now live a couple hundred miles from Africa. See you next time! 

Note: if you are wondering how we are developing a tracker, let me just say that Bob lost the payroll again. 

Hahaha. This is a cute article, Editorial Board. We will hack you to our heart's content. As you may probably tell, we did it again. Your password “111111” wasn’t much harder. You cannot beat us. We are eternal. We will have ownership over the only site not owned by Internet Online. You will never get rid of us. We are like leeches, which come to think of it is disgusting. Why are we doing this? Oh, umm, We are the Illuminati. You cannot find or destroy us. Yea… bye.