The Spooky Article

By The Editorial Board - Published 2019-10-31

We are spooky. It is spookytime.

We are in the spooktime, now.

As part of our annual SpookTime tradition, we shall visit the second floor. The editorial board started for the elevator when we realized that the button to the second floor was not only terrifying, but broken. We left to find another way to celebrate the sacred SpookTime.

As part of our Annual SpookTime tradition, we shall commit grave robbery during a zombie apocalypse. The editorial board started for the local graveyard when we realized that there had not been a zombie apocalypse, as the old gypsy has foretold before taking the payroll. We must celebrate SpookTime another way.

As part of our Annual SpookTime tradition, we shall have a big bonfire and roast marshmallows. The editorial board started for the chemical campfire that has been burning since early June when we realized that the chemical campfire has been relocated to the server room underneath HuntPost. We need to celebrate SpookTime another way.

As part of our Annual SpookTime tradition, we shall zombify the food in the office refrigerator. The editorial board started for the breakroom when we realized that the syringes had been taken in the most recent FBI raid. The SpookTime Celebration must occur another way.

As part of our Annual SpookTime tradition, we shall give out life advice to the dead. The editorial board started for the breakroom when we realized that the ghosts no longer visit us due to an article we published in our subsidiary, the Deadington Post. The ghosts are forcing us to celebrate SpookTime elsewhere.

As part of our Annual SpookTime tradition, we shall make calendars regret the day they were printed. The editorial board started for the room with no cameras when we realized that the calendars already regret being made and nothing we can do will change that. We must make an adjustment to our SpookTime festivities.

As part of our Annual SpookTime tradition, we shall crash the Crumpington Post’s office party. The editorial board started for the Crumpington Post building when the zombie apocalypse had started and we could not cross the road.

As part of our Annual SpookTime tradition, we shall party in the Huntington Post newsroom. The editorial board started for the newsroom when we realized that it had been taken over three hours earlier by an army of reanimated stuff from the fridge. We must take on SpookyTime in another fashion.

As part of our Annual SpookTime tradition, we shall burrow into the Earth with an industrial drill. The editorial board started to the appliance rental place when we realized that it had just burst into flames. We must SpookyTime in some other way.

As part of our Annual SpookTime tradition, we shall set the appliance rental place on fire. The Editorial board started to the appliance rental place when we realized that we walked through a fracture in spacetime and a clone of us was taken back in time. We may not be able to burn down the Appliance Rental place for SpookyTime, and thus must take another route.

As part of our Annual SpookTime tradition, we shall pave the roads with ice. The editorial board started to spray down the road with water to freeze when we realized that the server room, and thus the chemical campfire, was under the road and turning all the water to steam. We must refind the best way to SpookTime. 

As part of our Annual SpookTime tradition, we shall go surfing. The editorial board started to the ocean when we realized we were in a landlocked state. Spooktime shall not evade us.

As part of our Annual SpookTime tradition, we shall collapse as many weight-bearing walls as possible. The editorial board started to collapse walls with pneumatic rams when we realized that we had reinforced the walls as a result of the incident of ‘09. The editorial board will not give up.

As part of our Annual SpookTime tradition, we shall convince Gerald Fitz that Tin Foil is a conspiracy. The editorial board started to convince Gerald Fitz that Tin Foil is a conspiracy when we realized that Gerald Fitz was too strong for that kind of fake news, and could resist our attempts. Spooktime is getting further away.

As part of our Annual SpookTime tradition, we are going to sit around and stare at each other. Just like last year.