The time we declared war on the Sea

By Gerald Fitz - Published 2019-11-05

The Huntington Post and the Sea, To be specific, the pacific, have been at peace for well over 2 minutes, but it wasn’t always this way. There was a time when the Huntington Post and the Sea have been on less friendly terms. It began with the Huntington Posts 1st international hunting expedition, which has been a tradition in the offices ever since the first moments of today. We loaded up 2 non-ominous black SUV’s and moved towards the coastline. It took a while, but eventually we arrived at the sea. Our formal diplomatic relationships with the sea got off on the wrong foot when one of our editors(Not naming any names, Yamok) Threw a stone in the water, trying to make it “skip”. The sea took this as an insult, and thusly, stole one of my hats. Some people did not get the ramifications of their actions, and thusly, refused to buy me a new hat, so I had to break into my reserves. I had only 2 weeks worth of hats in reserve. We spent a while on the sand, hoping to ease tensions with the ocean. Eventually, things calmed down. When the sea gave me a new hat, it would be fair to say we were on friendly terms. It was a nice hat, and had a human attached! I wore my new hat, and let the water have the human. Dr Yamok did a diplomatic expedition into the sea, and was able to sit there. I eventually joined him, but I left shortly after. I found a sudden inability to breathe. The only rational conclusion was that I was being choked out by a mugger, so dropping my wallet and my cell phone, I left the water. I probably would not return until they add more security guards. Things were going incredibly well. But that would soon change.

Back on dry land, The Huntpost-Beach division played “Volleyball”, or as I like to call it “SummonCthuluball”. I, of course, did not participate in such debauchery. We had chicken tendies and orange juice, before starting to build sandcastles, and that is when tragedy struck. The great fort go-away-aliens was suddenly attacked, completely unprovoked. The sea did not issue a formal apology and it did not pay reparations. The attack against my innocent sand castle was unjust and cruel. A small amount of water neared my sand castle and completely destroyed it. Nothing was left behind; There were no survivors. It destroyed sand and hat alike, with now morality or empathy. In retribution, I began an organised salvo against the water. We had twelve hats, two motors, one howitzer and two misc midsize infantry vehicles(black). If bob asks were the payroll went, say you don’t know. The shelling began at 18:00 and continued for 36 hours until the Ocean’s reinforcements arrived. The shelling was not lossless. We had two accidental fatalities and one “accidental” fatality. Two shells were stolen by the ocean, and we “misplaced” five shells. The ocean dragged away two of our brave operations, one of our motors, and, worst of all, it stole another hat, how low does the sea go? The fighting moved up and down several times during the shelling, moving about every 6 hours. Our position was attacked by “Crabs”(Marines) every few hours, with enemy air forces(Henceforth referred to as pigeons) were circling overhead. Eventually, the shelling ceased when a power land invasion began as several enemy infantry units, wearing blue clothes, and caps that say “police” and “swat” and “negotiator”.  I was jailed, but eventually released in a diplomatic settlement with the ocean. A Lot has happened since then, and an informal trade relationship has begun. It was our time to finally leave, plus: Apparently I was barred from ever returning to florida or the surrounding three states.