Tryteralops, not Triceratops!

By The Editorial Board - Published 2018-08-01

Until recently science has been under the presumption and fake news that the Triceratops is indeed called the Triceratops. However, our three horned friend is having an identity crisis with a new discovery from a science team you’ve never heard of in some exotic place, say Madagascar. We got plane tickets for the entire editorial board to go to this country you’ve only heard about. As for how we afforded a private plane bound for Madagascar, if Bob asks where the payroll went say you don’t know. 

So, The entire editorial board got on this private airliner with many other people in what they call “coach”. After 23 hours of nothing but turbulence, and whoever had the window seat need the bathroom, we arrived in Hawaii - no, Madagascar. Yea, Madagascar. Why would we go to Hawaii? Well anyway, it wasn’t hard to find the group after that. They are real famous. But you wouldn’t know that, you're probably not in an exotic place like Madagascar. They took us to the dig site. 

We walked for about 3 miles until we realised we had a car about 3 miles back. We walked back, but alas, there was no gas. So we walked back the 3 miles and came across a gas station. We went back the 3 miles to the car, put it neutral, then pushed. Turned out the gas station was a mirage. We pushed the car back the 3 miles, and walked back 3 miles. Apparently the dig site was only 20 meters away from the airport and in the opposite direction, no less. Luckily they had some sort of exotic alcohol you wouldn’t know about, but the main ingredient was Venenosa plantae hydriam It made us feel much better. We wandered to the dig site, where apparently the excavation team had been waiting for the past 6 hours. 

“This is the dig site” said the Lead Researcher with an exotic sounding name, uh Dr. Leopard, “We pride ourselves with this new discovery”. We all looked over the edge of a 10 metre pit. And there it was, a triceratops, but with two legs, two arms, and a longer body. It also had noticeably more teeth. “It looks like a Tyrannosaurus Rex” said the lead editor. Dr. Leopard walked by, “Don’t be ridiculous, it is a triceratops, only as never seen before. This is the most complete bone structure ever found”, Dr. Leopard said, “And it says we are dealing with a Tryteralops.” 

There was an entire team, must have been of 40 people, in the pit, dusting and uncovering the bones. Although one didn’t look right. “Who is that?” I asked, pointing to the suspicious looking person. “Oh that’s the sculptor. He made the bones.” replied Dr. Leopard. We disregarded the information with little to no thought about it. We were just absolutely stunned about the Tryteralops. It changed everything. 

We got another research team out to Madagascar to peer review the research as well, Dr. James and Dr. Jiǎxiǎng Cháng. Again, if Bob asks where the payroll went say you don’t know. “These are made of ceramics!” proclaimed Dr. James, “They have been sculpted.” Dr. Leopard of course denied all accusations of the ceramics. The said it was actually plastics. “All dinosaurs are sculpted. He heard it on the Huntington Post!” he said. Dr. Jiǎxiǎng Cháng also noted that the bones were actually of a modern cow. 

   So there you have it - The triceratops are actually Tryteralops. Spread the news, this is important and affects the very underlying of our society! We need to let the world know that the triceratops has actually never existed, and the tryteralops is the real name of the 3 horned creature! 

   So, while writing that last paragraph, Dr. James confronted us and corrected us once again. Apparently the tryteralops was a flop. And all that payroll...